I AM NOT HAPPY!!!!

I know I have not posted in about 6 weeks but kept thinking things would get better and I would be able to post a more positive outlook. There have been a couple of positive things. We did get to go to the river with the kids the day before Father's Day and Mike did a cook out for us. Was really neat. Have been able to go out with friends for lunch a couple of times and that was nice.
Had a couple of friends in for coffee one Sunday morning and that was great.

Have been twice to have my port flushed since I am not using it at the present. Have only been once in 6 weeks to get my nails done and of course have not needed a trip to the beauty shop at all. However, my hair is beginning to grow back. It looks like a new baby's, in that it is thin and sticks straight up on top. Looks as if it is going to be gray. However, I can live with that, and if I don't like it, can always get my favorite beauty operator to color it for me.

Saw the doctor on 6-27 and he seemed to think all was going just as it should. He told me I was not going to start feeling like my old self for at least 6 more months. He said when he put me in the hospital my body was nearly completely depleted of all body fluids and my blood counts have still not gotten back into the normal range. Guess that i s why I have no energy. He also told me, which was supposed to be encouraging I am sure, that he had another lung cancer patient that had lived for another 3 years when she reached the point I am at now. This was very discouraging to hear. If a year of hell only gives 3 more years of life, what is the purpose? Maybe I would have had a better past year and a couple more without all of this! Then I came home and checked on the cancer site to find a support group of lung cancer survivors and guess what? There aren't any! That really hit hard!

My blood pressure is running low, 92/63. Said I needed to try using more salt. He felt the low blood pressure was what was making me so dizzy. The nausea and burning skin he felt was still a result of the chemicals in my body. I am still having a very difficult time breathing and am sure part of that is the heat and pollution.

It is now time to do the three month test to see if everything is alright and be sure the cancer has not spread anywhere else. I went Monday for lab, chest xray, CT scan and bone scan. I went Tuesday for MRI. I go next Wednesday for PET scan and then will set up appointment to see oncologist and radiologist. Maybe once we get the results of these tests it will improve my out look and attitude. I sure do hope so.

To say all of the above has not effected the IBS would be silly. My stomach is worse than it has been in about 8 years. Sure having to be careful what I put in my stomach and that makes me not want to eat at all. But have been splurging on the ice cream and all the fattening stuff while I can. Have put 5 of my pounds back on and guess I better start watching or will go over where I want to be at the end of all this.

So to end on a more positive note, we are scheduled to leave on 8-1 to go to Padre Island with Lori and Mike and their family. Liz and the kids will be going and Mike's mother and granddaughter. Will be 10 of us and should be fun.

I ask that all of you continue to pray for God to give me the strength to handle whatever is ahead. And forgve me for not being good about emailing or calling. Guess I have either withdrawn from the whole or put a shell around me.


Love to all.